Wouldn't it be nice if the purchase of a movie theater ticket guaranteed that anyone violating any of the items listed in this Bill of Rights would be removed from the theater?
Movie Theater Patron Bill of Rights
- Talking in a voice above Tinker Bell's whisper even during the coming attractions.
- The use of a cell phone in any way including, talking, instant messaging, game playing or even just opening the phone to check a message as just the light from an open phone in a dark theater is distracting. (All cell phones should be left in the car. If you can't be in a theater for 2 hours without checking your phone then you have no business being in the theater. Stay home and catch it on DVD when it comes out.)
- Any child under 3 will not be allowed into any showing of any movie at anytime. If the parent is not wise enough to grasp that surround sound is harmful to all humans but especially to infants then the child should be taken from said parent. This eliminates the crying baby issue during the movie. The mommy or daddy that does not want to miss the movie so they sit there ignoring the little annoyance are criminal.
- No child under 12 will be allowed into a PG13 or R rated movie even with parental supervision as the "What does that mean Mommy" is disrupting to all. Continued conversation between children or their parents will not be tolerated unless Right #1 is followed. If your child cannot talk in a whisper then do not bring them to the theater.
- If you are a parent and you have a child that is constantly talking or cannot sit still then you will leave the theater with your child immediately. Your lack of parenting skills should not be the problem of the others trying to enjoy a movie.
- If what you are consuming makes a lot of noise stop eating it. You are not allowed to bring food in that was not purchased at the theater. This is a movie not a camping trip. The theater makes 85% of its income off the over priced candy, soda and popcorn. If you enjoy the movie going experience then buy your food when you arrive or the theater you enjoy will go out of business. If you insist on eating and drinking in the theater and can't afford the cost then you stay home or don't eat at the theater. Two hours of not eating will not kill you but that constant unwrapping of cellophane around your make shift meal might get you killed. (Nachos... what were they thinking when they started selling that loud food).
- If you laugh at a funny part of a movie do so because it was funny not to promote that you get the joke in such a loud and drawn out manner that all around you can't hear the next line.
- No one will be allowed to enter the theater after the previews begin. If the movie says it starts at 8:15 PM then you lose if you arrive any later. NO EXCEPTIONS. If I get to the movie early and get my favorite seat I do not want to have to stand up and allow you to get by while I miss the previews to Spiderman.
- If you are a large person get to the theater at least 20 minutes ahead of time and sit anywhere you like and anyone not wishing to sit next to you will respect your seat choice and sit elsewhere. When you are a large person and you show up 30 seconds before the movie starts and sit next to me in a crowded theater I no longer have any choice of where I sit. Thanks for ruining my movie going experience.
- If you feel compelled to talk back to the screen then you need to commit yourself.
